I am not afraid to get old,
Walk the road all way long,
Because I know one day,
On a big dining table with a cake and my name,
Child will raise his hand and say:
"We love you grandma!"
And many eyes will ask me again the same question:
"Tell us grandma, how you have made it that long?"
All I will say: I was silly and strong, right and wrong,
Walking my road, making mistakes,
Thinking, what a ..., not again,
Hear voice from the past: fine, fine, may be next time,
At least I have tried..
And when I saw a wall in front of me,
I used a hummer, not my head...
My grandmother's aunt is 98 years old, and some one told her, at least 90 years ago that she will see her 105 Birthday party, so she is waiting.
She used to say before: "Whatever, whatever... don't ask me, make up something yourself". And we would make up something..
My great grandmother talked a lot about God, Guardian Angel, made different stories, talked to the trees, wind. One time she pointed her had on a bright blue sky and said: “Look, God says hi.” And there was only one cloud that looked like Orthodox Ester decoration in a form of letter “X”. She said that's a message from God and we sent air kisses to the sky. Every evening and every morning I was sending a kiss to the sky and I would smile. We used to pick up grass, water drops in the morning, go far in the forest or just stay in the garden. I was kissed all the time by people visiting us; everyone was very kind, bringing candies and cookies. I heard many times: ”Be kind, be kind to people”.
One time I was watching her old girlfriends had party in our house, they all were dressed in military uniforms, with a lot of medals, talking about the past, singing old songs and I could see the light coming from them...
We went to a place where people used secretly pry, because it was prohibited to do officially and everyone thought that place had angels flying around... I saw old women praying, like singing prayers nonstop, I heard that they are talking to God, asking for someone...
one
time
One time it was just a thought,
Just a dream, just a road.
When you asking yourself,
Should I do, may be yes, may be no?
The thought again, and again:
Now or may be one day.
You starting to see, feel, believe
And ... go for it.
Just a dream, just a road.
When you asking yourself,
Should I do, may be yes, may be no?
The thought again, and again:
Now or may be one day.
You starting to see, feel, believe
And ... go for it.
My great grandmother Alexandra did
not know well how to read and write and every evening she asked me to read her
a newspaper or a book. One time I told her, that one day I would write a book
for her, and it would be just about her. She was very happy about it, exited,
and all she asked to write only good things, positive, energetic, optimistic
just like she was.
The biggest thing she did for me was
introducing me to God, believing in something good, kindness, love for people, the
nature, ability to move on no matter what. And she had hard life, Russian
Social Revolution, two wars, poor family, no education at all, living at the
same village, working on the collective farm for free and still she was one of
the happiest women in the world. And she had power to make happy not just her
family, but people around her. All I remember, we had a lot of visitors, old
ladies, friends forever, young women and men who used to work on the farm. She
used to make traditional food, a lot of herbal tea, give dry grass and flowers,
asking to just boil it at home and drink. Sometimes young men would sit in the
living room on an old bench and talk about their life, and she would listen for
hours only feeding them and saying “it's going to be fine”. One of those men
got married and he drove his motorcycle with his wife to our house asking my
great grandmother to bless him… He was very happy; they were talking loud,
laughing, went to look at the river.
She talked a lot about God, Guardian Angel, made different
stories and at that time I was still small and I did not think much about it.
It was Soviet Union, religion was prohibited for more than sixty years and old
people were confused about their believe, especially from families who
supported communism...
who
is your friend?
Who is your friend?
Love is my friend,
Passion is my friend,
Desire is my friend,
Strength is my friend,
God is my friend,
Courage is my friend.
Who is your friend?
Love is my friend,
Passion is my friend,
Desire is my friend,
Strength is my friend,
God is my friend,
Courage is my friend.
Who is your friend?
In high
school I had huge problems with algebra, geometry and physics. I didn't
understand it at all, the last year I had a tutor doing everything for me.
In grade 9, I didn't pass the spring algebra test, it was horrible, everyone thought, the students, teacher, you are stupid. That how our school used to be, you have to blend in. That day I said, I didn't prepared, because my dog had puppies. The teacher mentioned: all the dogs have puppies, come back at August.
I knew my parents would be mad, my mom would be mad at me all summer.
I was crying, thinking how am I going to say it.
Near my grandmother's house, tree old ladies were sitting on a bench, even now they are sitting on the same bench.
They asked me what happened, because my black mascara made lines on my face, my nose was red, lipstick all over. It was a long walk, from one side of the city to another.
I am telling the story, algebra, August... wiping my eyes.
And then I hear the women whispering: “She is crazy...School is nothing much”
In grade 9, I didn't pass the spring algebra test, it was horrible, everyone thought, the students, teacher, you are stupid. That how our school used to be, you have to blend in. That day I said, I didn't prepared, because my dog had puppies. The teacher mentioned: all the dogs have puppies, come back at August.
I knew my parents would be mad, my mom would be mad at me all summer.
I was crying, thinking how am I going to say it.
Near my grandmother's house, tree old ladies were sitting on a bench, even now they are sitting on the same bench.
They asked me what happened, because my black mascara made lines on my face, my nose was red, lipstick all over. It was a long walk, from one side of the city to another.
I am telling the story, algebra, August... wiping my eyes.
And then I hear the women whispering: “She is crazy...School is nothing much”
