With my Friend God…
In the darkest night I
know,
There are stars
That shine and glow,
There are stars that always
bright.
No matter where I go,
No matter what I know,
I have my God to follow...
I used to be like many
women in the world,
Just happy with the little
I got.
I followed my mothers steps
when being free had no sense.
In the morning,
Waking up mad, thinking
what else I forget.
Getting ready in five
minutes.
Breakfast, lunch, summer,
dinner,
And I am in the middle.
Thinking who would say what
about me today,
What ugly to wear.
Gossip in work review
twice,
Jealous women.
Almost flying to pick up my
baby from nine to five day care…
But something was shining,
People followed me.
I gave them hope,
At least daily laugh.
Still thinking not being
pretty and smart.
I almost gave up,
I almost blend in…
And I look at the eyes,
The eyes of the Queen.
Beautiful woman,
Strong, sexy and free.
She stared at me:
What’s wrong with you?
Are you blind?
Look!
Okay, one more time.
Open your eyes at least!
Can’t you see!
Can’t you see
You are me!
…Then he said,
He was just leaving.
May be I should be
forgiving.
May be he is a bad father,
May be I should talk my
mother.
I smiled:
I have my son,
I have my King.
Two years no money,
Of course, money is not
everything.
I smiled:
I have my son,
I have my King.
People asked me,
Why I always wear same
clothes,
Why I sold my mother’s
ring?
I smiled:
I have my son,
I have my King.
Only one time I was
standing near the last fire line,
God wiped my tears softly
and smiled:
You have your son,
You have your King!
My mom was living with me
for five months.
I thought being a single
mom is better
Than living with your own
mom,
Telling every five minutes
how to live right.
Then she had to return back
home and I had to face the reality.
How to raise a child on my
own.
…And one time I thought,
I cannot do it anymore.
Thinking about baby, money, going back to work ..
Was thinking of giving up
for the first time in my life.
That night, I was driving
home.
Wiping tears, put music on,
Man bravely was singing
about winning Second World War.
The road was dark;
No cars, empty,
Me alone going home.
Then,
Yellow light from small
sign of Jewish Synagogue brighten my face.
Just yellow light went in
my face.
I read in a second the
name,
And I heard strong loud
voice:
Don’t leave your child
without the mother!
All my tears, sadness
disappeared.
I thought about me, being a
little girl,
Kind eyes of my grandmother,
With love looking at me.
I was shocked and at the
same time,
Knew, I will make it
through,
I felt strong.
Cannot give up,
Because if I do, my son
would give up too.
The next day I sold my four
gold rings I brought from back home,
In a mall’s pond shop.
For ninety seven dollars.
It was enough to buy food
and made for two weeks.
And I bought a toy for my
son too.
For some reason, after, I
stopped in a mall’s book store.
To look at the beautiful
pictures in the magazines.
The first book I noticed,
right in front of me,
Was a book about Second
World War.
I think it was called
“Greatest battles of the
Second World War”.
I opened it on a page about
Russia.
The country I am from.
Russian women looked at me
from old pictures.
It was paragraph about
women during that war:
Women soldiers, nurses and
mothers.
On this page,
Young mother is holding two
children.
Her face… eyes, she is
confused and scared.
Everything is destroyed
around.
Houses, streets, all pieces
of bricks and wood.
Where would they go?
Three women are pulling
metal on their backs.
Digging grey, dried farm
land,
Girls, probably daughters,
are trying to catch up,
Throwing seeds from small
newspaper bags.
Old grandma saying
something.
Here a woman, army nurse,
I see bag with red cross,
All frozen, going with
group of soldiers trough deep shining winter snow.
I felt like those women
smiled to me
And said quietly:
You know, we made it
through the war.
We made it!
We won.
You are our grand daughter!
Don’t tell us you cannot
deal with the money problems.
And so what if you are raising
a child on your own.
They smiled again:
New generations, new
generations…
Look, we are standing
strong,
Believing in God, our army,
our people.
All good we can believe.
And you?!
Don’t cry any more, go
home, walk on the freedom streets you got,
Be happy, just because you
live without war!
And I thought, for the
first time in long while
About God,
About my grandmother Ira,
Who loves me so much.
I remember her kind blue
eyes telling me,
That everything is going to
be great,
Just wait...
My great grand mother,
great grand aunt,
Women from a small Russian
village,
Who were living through the
Second World War,
Who have given and showed
me God.
Were teaching, long time
ago,
How to be strong, funny,
have optimism and hope…
