This
is the day one.
Spring, April,
Warm and the snow is melting on the road a lot.
I remember this day
(For some reason).
I am wearing blue jacket,
My mother’s old, brown shoes.
Feeling happy, it was time of my first love.
Tree boys, may be close to eighteen standing near two story house next to our apartment building.
The fat at the middle spits on the road right in front of me and asks:
Why is your father walking a pig?
We had a pig in our apartment.
First we got a kitten, fluffy,
Fluff was his name, to cell kittens later.
In the morning we would kick the cat out to go see girls,
Until the Fluff had kittens in the morning.
It was a girl.
My great aunt though it was a pure miracle.
She was very old and my mom was almost pushing the cat's bit in her face saying:
Girl, girl, not a boy.
And chickens, bunnies, vegetables, apple trees to plant in our garden.
My mom was on and on that we would starve,
Economy crisis was stating in the country.
So one day she got a pig.
It supposed to be a dinner when the pig will grow up.
We never touched the pig.
He got a name and my father had to walk it until
We found a farm for him.
Why your father is walking a pig?
I am telling that I don't really know the pig and I don't really know my father.
Shy and I am lying.
He says: ha that's funny.
And then every time they saw me
They would ask,
How is the pig?
Then talking to me..
Spring, April,
Warm and the snow is melting on the road a lot.
I remember this day
(For some reason).
I am wearing blue jacket,
My mother’s old, brown shoes.
Feeling happy, it was time of my first love.
Tree boys, may be close to eighteen standing near two story house next to our apartment building.
The fat at the middle spits on the road right in front of me and asks:
Why is your father walking a pig?
We had a pig in our apartment.
First we got a kitten, fluffy,
Fluff was his name, to cell kittens later.
In the morning we would kick the cat out to go see girls,
Until the Fluff had kittens in the morning.
It was a girl.
My great aunt though it was a pure miracle.
She was very old and my mom was almost pushing the cat's bit in her face saying:
Girl, girl, not a boy.
And chickens, bunnies, vegetables, apple trees to plant in our garden.
My mom was on and on that we would starve,
Economy crisis was stating in the country.
So one day she got a pig.
It supposed to be a dinner when the pig will grow up.
We never touched the pig.
He got a name and my father had to walk it until
We found a farm for him.
Why your father is walking a pig?
I am telling that I don't really know the pig and I don't really know my father.
Shy and I am lying.
He says: ha that's funny.
And then every time they saw me
They would ask,
How is the pig?
Then talking to me..
I had that nice fur
coat,
Real, made for me in
Moscow.
One of a kind,
expensive, my one year salary,
Good thing I didn't
pay for it by my own,
Because that would be
all I was wearing.
It was my birthday
gift.
It was last piece of
fur I wore.
That homeless dog was
barking, following me,
Probably thinking I
was a bear.
After a while like
that
I think I was talking
to the dog..
Explaining my situation,
buying food..
I was painting a wash room in the park at night
once.
Because some one wrote something stupid and
mention the same name like my mom..
Some one else told her, a friend.
It was nothing, same name and a comment, funny..
No Internet at that time.
I was asking her, how do you know it's you,
She was painting the entire wall so no one would
notice:
The same name, who do you think people will
think.
My mother was a doctor at that time,
Dermatovenerologist, a doctor who treats
sexually transmitted diseases and skin conditions,
How this word in English.
We had animals living in our apartment, trees,
vegetables at spring,
All medication, vitamins for people and dogs,
Was all thrown at the same place, cabinet on the
kitchen.
For me and my little sister, we had onion for
everything.
No time to organize.
That evening the neighbour upstairs asked
something for cough.
And after every second:
Go check if the ambulance left, go check.
Funny story, the early one.
I was a law college student,
And in the city where I used to live,
We have railway road and the college was across
it.
Me and my girlfriend, from the same group.
We are walking home,
On this rail way road.
Laughing, talking,
I am making jokes about one of our teachers.
Behind us some honking starts, men saying
something .
We are still walking and laughing,
Thinking they are flirting with us.
Then I move a bit, she kind of follows me.
And the train passes by near us right away ..windy
for a second.
The men, who were driving the train pointing on
their heads, looking at us.
Back in '90
th we had seen everything:
Crash of the country, economy, mafia, terrorism.
It was a year people had to walk every evening to check basements of apartment buildings, because someone put explosives mixed with sugar, metal and sharp pieces of something. Few apartment buildings collapsed at that time early morning and night, was war in the country, hostages in theatre, bombs in subways.
It was all in 1990 th.
My parents at that time were teaching part time in medical college in our city.
Mostly my mom, had a lot of students from that part of the country and former Soviet republics affected from the end of the stable country.
I don't know much about it, they only said that back home everything was destroyed and no where to go to school.
Young women, basically girls, spent time digging our garden, liked our flowers, roses.
We had crazy garden, full of flowers, trees and vegetables.
Said never seen such beautiful garden, liked me and my mom,
My grandmother used to give him hospital food, clothes.
Because they had nothing.
When they were leaving, they hugged in their tradition and promised that no one ever will harm us.
It was in 1990 th, now different story is going on.
It's always sad to read about innocent people giving up their lives.
Life is more valuable than anything in the world.
It must not be like this, but how to protect it?
The way things are going?
Someone said: make love no war...
Crash of the country, economy, mafia, terrorism.
It was a year people had to walk every evening to check basements of apartment buildings, because someone put explosives mixed with sugar, metal and sharp pieces of something. Few apartment buildings collapsed at that time early morning and night, was war in the country, hostages in theatre, bombs in subways.
It was all in 1990 th.
My parents at that time were teaching part time in medical college in our city.
Mostly my mom, had a lot of students from that part of the country and former Soviet republics affected from the end of the stable country.
I don't know much about it, they only said that back home everything was destroyed and no where to go to school.
Young women, basically girls, spent time digging our garden, liked our flowers, roses.
We had crazy garden, full of flowers, trees and vegetables.
Said never seen such beautiful garden, liked me and my mom,
My grandmother used to give him hospital food, clothes.
Because they had nothing.
When they were leaving, they hugged in their tradition and promised that no one ever will harm us.
It was in 1990 th, now different story is going on.
It's always sad to read about innocent people giving up their lives.
Life is more valuable than anything in the world.
It must not be like this, but how to protect it?
The way things are going?
Someone said: make love no war...
I grow up on the street, but
the dirt did not stick to me.
It did not make me be mad at life, at people,
It did not make me bad, not love and believe.
1990, the end of the Soviet Union era,
The end of my parents marriage.
All they were been doing is fighting about everything
Like they never loved each other,
Like me and my sister were not around.
They forgot everything.
One time my mother broke all the dishes in the house,
The floor was white.
Then she wanted to drink,
I returned from school again and again,
She was drunk, could not even speak.
Then I broke everything else, the furniture, the windows,
I took a hammer, my mom got scared, and never drink ever since.
Then my father's second wife would not leave me alone,
Begging for forgiveness on her knees for stealing my papa all over the city.
My mom got a boyfriend, needed the house.
My sister had to live with my grandmother for a year.
I was left alone on the street.
It did not make me be mad at life, at people,
It did not make me bad, not love and believe.
1990, the end of the Soviet Union era,
The end of my parents marriage.
All they were been doing is fighting about everything
Like they never loved each other,
Like me and my sister were not around.
They forgot everything.
One time my mother broke all the dishes in the house,
The floor was white.
Then she wanted to drink,
I returned from school again and again,
She was drunk, could not even speak.
Then I broke everything else, the furniture, the windows,
I took a hammer, my mom got scared, and never drink ever since.
Then my father's second wife would not leave me alone,
Begging for forgiveness on her knees for stealing my papa all over the city.
My mom got a boyfriend, needed the house.
My sister had to live with my grandmother for a year.
I was left alone on the street.
I am not afraid to get old,
Walk the road all way long,
Because I know one day,
On a big dining table with a cake and my name,
Child will raise his hand and say:
"We love you grandma!"
And many eyes will ask me again the same question:
"Tell us grandma, how you have made it that long?"
All I will say: I was silly and strong, right and wrong,
Walking my road, making mistakes,
Thinking, what a ..., not again,
Hear voice from the past: fine, fine, may be next time,
At least I have tried..
And when I saw a wall in front of me,
I used a hummer, not my head...
Walk the road all way long,
Because I know one day,
On a big dining table with a cake and my name,
Child will raise his hand and say:
"We love you grandma!"
And many eyes will ask me again the same question:
"Tell us grandma, how you have made it that long?"
All I will say: I was silly and strong, right and wrong,
Walking my road, making mistakes,
Thinking, what a ..., not again,
Hear voice from the past: fine, fine, may be next time,
At least I have tried..
And when I saw a wall in front of me,
I used a hummer, not my head...
My grandmother had a big
office,
She built the therapeutic hospital with her friend in about 1960,
And since that time was the head doctor.
Almost every day I used to visit her,
Wait for my art school or just go home together.
Everything was nice, big TV, couch, her desk, books,
Portraits of the country leaders,
Nothing I could touch when she was around,
It was for public.
I remember all the people sitting in a chair near the door.
My grandmother would listen, and listen
And I would listen until I cannot count till 4. When I was cleaning floors in the hospital,
All me, the nurses used to wear,
Was only white uniform, high hills, bra and underwear, nothing else.
At summer it was too hot,
At winter we were young.
All were close age,
I was in high school, the nurses from medical colleges.
The older nurses, doctors were opened minded.
Some patients looked through eye glasses would say:
What are you wearing? I don't know if I should stand or fall or you girls made our day...
She built the therapeutic hospital with her friend in about 1960,
And since that time was the head doctor.
Almost every day I used to visit her,
Wait for my art school or just go home together.
Everything was nice, big TV, couch, her desk, books,
Portraits of the country leaders,
Nothing I could touch when she was around,
It was for public.
I remember all the people sitting in a chair near the door.
My grandmother would listen, and listen
And I would listen until I cannot count till 4. When I was cleaning floors in the hospital,
All me, the nurses used to wear,
Was only white uniform, high hills, bra and underwear, nothing else.
At summer it was too hot,
At winter we were young.
All were close age,
I was in high school, the nurses from medical colleges.
The older nurses, doctors were opened minded.
Some patients looked through eye glasses would say:
What are you wearing? I don't know if I should stand or fall or you girls made our day...
Then she would say:
Let’s not go crazy in the morning.
Look, clearly, here say, 300 hundred years ago it was the same case,
And it was a miracle, its written here, only in Latin.
Take this and this, and it's all gonna be fine.
Never in my life I've heard word give up,
There was always a miracle.
Let’s not go crazy in the morning.
Look, clearly, here say, 300 hundred years ago it was the same case,
And it was a miracle, its written here, only in Latin.
Take this and this, and it's all gonna be fine.
Never in my life I've heard word give up,
There was always a miracle.
Then she would say:
Let’s not go crazy in the morning.
Look, clearly, here say, 300 hundred years ago it was the same case,
And it was a miracle, its written here, only in Latin.
Take this and this, and it's all gonna be fine.
Never in my life I've heard word give up,
There was always a miracle.
I believe in miracles:)
Let’s not go crazy in the morning.
Look, clearly, here say, 300 hundred years ago it was the same case,
And it was a miracle, its written here, only in Latin.
Take this and this, and it's all gonna be fine.
Never in my life I've heard word give up,
There was always a miracle.
I believe in miracles:)
Four women, a story.
Winter, spring, summer and autumn.
The winter one is the oldest.
She has white hair, wrinkles, cold, and wisdom, strength, strong will and word.
The spring, the youngest, most beauty in the world, doesn't really walk, runs, the brightest smile, just go, go, go. She likes the rain, warm wind, not cold or snow.
The summer sleepy, tired after party and funny, naive, little bit naughty.
The autumn has golden hair, and dresses always green and yellow....
Winter, spring, summer and autumn.
The winter one is the oldest.
She has white hair, wrinkles, cold, and wisdom, strength, strong will and word.
The spring, the youngest, most beauty in the world, doesn't really walk, runs, the brightest smile, just go, go, go. She likes the rain, warm wind, not cold or snow.
The summer sleepy, tired after party and funny, naive, little bit naughty.
The autumn has golden hair, and dresses always green and yellow....
It was my father's birthday a
few years ago.
He had all his friends invited, relatives, students.
They almost emptied our supermarket, it was one big table near his house.
I was invited too, my sister didn't go.
Everyone was making all kind of wishes, cannot say no, the special day.
That night on the way home,
I saw two moons on the sky at the same time near to each other.
When I got home, my mom told me to go where I came from...
He had all his friends invited, relatives, students.
They almost emptied our supermarket, it was one big table near his house.
I was invited too, my sister didn't go.
Everyone was making all kind of wishes, cannot say no, the special day.
That night on the way home,
I saw two moons on the sky at the same time near to each other.
When I got home, my mom told me to go where I came from...
One time me and my sister were
taking pictures of the sun.
It was the sunset, the sun was beautiful, round, big, shining orange and red.
The sky was orange, purple, blue and red.
This woman jumped in front of us, asking why are we taking pictures of her.
I told we are taking pictures of the sun.
Then the woman said:
What sun, where is it?
She didn't even noticed...
It was the sunset, the sun was beautiful, round, big, shining orange and red.
The sky was orange, purple, blue and red.
This woman jumped in front of us, asking why are we taking pictures of her.
I told we are taking pictures of the sun.
Then the woman said:
What sun, where is it?
She didn't even noticed...
The best thing about 90th,
We had a chance to see two cultures,
See the end of one country
And the beginning of another.
We learned to be young and freedom,
Not afraid of anything much,
Walking at nights wearing mini dresses,
Make up, speaking loud,
And shy at the same time.
Part of communist culture,
When women had to be covered and thought about great work results.
We dreamed about becoming prostitutes,
All from new 90 th movies. I had never seen anything like that before.
Old ones had women working on factories and farms.
I never became one,
Only wear mini ever since.
I think we were last generation who grew up, learned the most, in both Russia and the Soviet Union,
Without much stress, studied, enjoyed life,
Let our parents to think about the rest...
We had a chance to see two cultures,
See the end of one country
And the beginning of another.
We learned to be young and freedom,
Not afraid of anything much,
Walking at nights wearing mini dresses,
Make up, speaking loud,
And shy at the same time.
Part of communist culture,
When women had to be covered and thought about great work results.
We dreamed about becoming prostitutes,
All from new 90 th movies. I had never seen anything like that before.
Old ones had women working on factories and farms.
I never became one,
Only wear mini ever since.
I think we were last generation who grew up, learned the most, in both Russia and the Soviet Union,
Without much stress, studied, enjoyed life,
Let our parents to think about the rest...
In 1990th my parents didn't
get pay for almost a year,
The government had no money to pay, teachers, miners were protesting, not eating, a few schools were closed.
Doctors couldn't protest, working and for one year we lived without money.
My mom used to borrow from her friends who started to sell food on the market and then she had to give back and borrow again.
I went to friends houses and the fridges were empty,
All we had potatoes, milk and what we had in our gardens.
Teachers in schools had no money ether,
We, girls, tried to dress up and we dressed and looked better than our female teachers.
I had seen people giving up,
It was everywhere in the country.
We had no water and light in the evening and night,
Was not safe to walk at dark,
We got a giant 180 lbs dog, who later got so spoiled that only slept on the bed and ate from the table.
I was watching tanks in Moscow, protests in our city.
Young men going to war zones to have money.
My aunts and uncles had no idea what they will do.
My grandmother's hospital had food for patients and nurses and doctors used to eat this food, take home otherwise they couldn't work.
I started to once in a while clean floors for 3 dollars a month,
It was regular salary for the job.
Nurses used to make less than 50 dollars a months,
My mom had less then 100.
Then after a year and a half the government allowed doctors to have private practice and work in the hospital at the same time.
And my father started private practice,
My aunt too, they became good at it.
This optimism inspired my uncles, aunts,
They changed their lives completely,
Went to schools again.
My mom was working non stop in the hospital,
My grandmother pushed for foreign grand.
I started to make my own clothes, going to art school instead of sitting on the streets.!
The government had no money to pay, teachers, miners were protesting, not eating, a few schools were closed.
Doctors couldn't protest, working and for one year we lived without money.
My mom used to borrow from her friends who started to sell food on the market and then she had to give back and borrow again.
I went to friends houses and the fridges were empty,
All we had potatoes, milk and what we had in our gardens.
Teachers in schools had no money ether,
We, girls, tried to dress up and we dressed and looked better than our female teachers.
I had seen people giving up,
It was everywhere in the country.
We had no water and light in the evening and night,
Was not safe to walk at dark,
We got a giant 180 lbs dog, who later got so spoiled that only slept on the bed and ate from the table.
I was watching tanks in Moscow, protests in our city.
Young men going to war zones to have money.
My aunts and uncles had no idea what they will do.
My grandmother's hospital had food for patients and nurses and doctors used to eat this food, take home otherwise they couldn't work.
I started to once in a while clean floors for 3 dollars a month,
It was regular salary for the job.
Nurses used to make less than 50 dollars a months,
My mom had less then 100.
Then after a year and a half the government allowed doctors to have private practice and work in the hospital at the same time.
And my father started private practice,
My aunt too, they became good at it.
This optimism inspired my uncles, aunts,
They changed their lives completely,
Went to schools again.
My mom was working non stop in the hospital,
My grandmother pushed for foreign grand.
I started to make my own clothes, going to art school instead of sitting on the streets.!
In 1990, when the Soviet Union ended its history,
turned into independent could countries,
In our city all the factories, manufacturing companies closed in days,
In weeks everything wad sold, people lost jobs,
Unemployment went up to almost 100%.
My uncles and aunts lost their jobs in days.
Everything was closed, empty supermarkets.
In our city all the factories, manufacturing companies closed in days,
In weeks everything wad sold, people lost jobs,
Unemployment went up to almost 100%.
My uncles and aunts lost their jobs in days.
Everything was closed, empty supermarkets.
Only government offices,
police, schools and hospital were opened..
90 th, what I remember,
Our one bed room third floor apartment
Is full of farm animals,
We were farming.
I go to school, then grandmother's work every day, nothing else to do in
our city.
First art school, and I see all different colors of the sky, stars, sun,
moon...
I like ever since.
And
boys sitting in our playground near expensive cars ask me once in a while
what's funny today...
Wind please be mail man today,
Give this letter for me to my friend.
No send to address, no envelope, no card,
Only my words, tell him wind:
I want my friend to know, I wish he is okay.
Give this letter for me to my friend.
No send to address, no envelope, no card,
Only my words, tell him wind:
I want my friend to know, I wish he is okay.
...in our city we had young
men,
May be in their twentieth, all of them,
Sitting near rusty playground, on the swing like kids.
Not always, once every few months.
They had food, wine, cars, giant cassette recorders,
Some had same size first cell phones.
Dressed in Adidas, gold chains, shot hair, probably going to gym.
Then they would disappear fora few months,
Return back in different cars.
At winter one had a wife and she was wearing real mink fur coat.
They were first mafia.
Scary stories on TV, radio.
Driving fast, but no one would stop them.
Hi, - one of them said,
Is that your father walking a pig?
We had a pig living with us for almost a year,
Supposed to be a New Year dinner,
After raising him for a while,
The pig had own bed and plate,
And before going to live at my uncle farm,
My father had to walk this pig twice a day.
What's new? They asked me sometimes,
Study good.
May be in their twentieth, all of them,
Sitting near rusty playground, on the swing like kids.
Not always, once every few months.
They had food, wine, cars, giant cassette recorders,
Some had same size first cell phones.
Dressed in Adidas, gold chains, shot hair, probably going to gym.
Then they would disappear fora few months,
Return back in different cars.
At winter one had a wife and she was wearing real mink fur coat.
They were first mafia.
Scary stories on TV, radio.
Driving fast, but no one would stop them.
Hi, - one of them said,
Is that your father walking a pig?
We had a pig living with us for almost a year,
Supposed to be a New Year dinner,
After raising him for a while,
The pig had own bed and plate,
And before going to live at my uncle farm,
My father had to walk this pig twice a day.
What's new? They asked me sometimes,
Study good.
Since he made my poetic wish
come true,
I am thinking my second wish
will come true too.
I have a few wishes.
My second wish is my
"dream of an idiot",
One million.
It's from "The Golden
Oven" book.
I read this book first time
when I was in school.
The main character wants to
have one million rubles, the money, and is going for it.
And his partners ask, why one
million?
He says "one million is a
dream of every idiot".
He is not comedian, but in all
he does in his adventure he finds jokes and humor".
I read the book twice, and
after a while I had it, working, saving, family. .
Some times I think of
something and think of this book?
