Pharaoh.

Pharaoh: what is the story behind it?

New King number one: two here and two here.

Pharaoh: how do you know?

New King number one: for one thousand years!

Pharaoh: where is the cutie pie?

New King number one: we paid three hundred boxes.

Pharaoh: this is cheap. 

New King number one: at least she looks normal. 

Servant 1: say "yes".

Servant 2: may be she is confused.

Servant 1: add peeling to her skin. 

New King number one: gorgeous. 

Servant 2: what to do with the mummy?

New King number one: don't bother us. 

Sweetheart, you will marry Pharaoh and ask where he hid the treasures and if we need a truck to carry it. 

Everything except the history.

The history we already know.

New Queen number one: is that another one?

New King number one: only one.

How many times do I have to tell you. 



Pharaoh: what is this creepy sound!

New King number one: so many stones. 

Pharaoh: where are you taking it?

New King number one: you said.

Pharaoh: you have all those machines!

New King number one: who is going to help me!?

Pharaoh: the machines!

New Queen number one: you know what's more amazing?

You got taller today.

Pharaoh: taller than yesterday?

New Queen number one: the tallest of all.

Pharaoh: it feels like I was born the other day.

New Queen number one: it was the other day.

Marrying yourself is not very helpful. 



Pharaoh: when you use your legs push it like this.

New King: yeah.

Pharaoh: just don't touch anything else,

Only the horse.

New Queen number one: may be we look at the picture first?

New King number one: oh.

Pharaoh: don't jump on the tree.

New King number one: when does this park closes?

Pharaoh: there are still people.

New King number one: we should keep the lights off.

Pharaoh: keep your legs up.

Remember horse is running his legs, not you.

New King number one: push me.

Pharaoh: fourth horses is a charm.

New King number one: if the horse will not stop?

Pharaoh: then you will be running to the high way.

New Queen number one: good for him.

New King number one: don’t jump and swing your legs and don't let go.

Pharaoh: this what I just said,

I don't need echo.

New Queen number one: try it again.

Pharaoh: here go, exactly like this.



New King number one: some percent. 

Pharaoh: let me see.

New King number one: its like a bag.

You think you can fit it?

Pharaoh: the experience!

Three and a half thousand years.

New Queen number one: baby boomer. 

Pharaoh: funny.

New King number one: if you don't eat that much.

Pharaoh: where is the pyramid?

Have you been circling a piece of chicken!?

New King number one: you can have two!

Pharaoh: common man.

New Queen number one: where is mine?

New King number one: you can have kitchen



New King number one: you look hot.

New King number two: I am hot.

We have package for you,

It's in the box.

Pharaoh: no.

New King number two: no?

Pharaoh: no.

I am not spending nine dollars on it.

New King number two: what if you get hungry?

Pharaoh: it's a brand new thing for me.



Pharaoh: back, back, back. 

New King number one: pharaoh is back.

New King number two: uh-oh, where is the packing table?

I mean "uh-oh".

Pharaoh: make sure you don't bring anything in the mixed pyramids.

New King number one: how long its going to last,

May be four thousand years?





The Martian story.

Martian: holiday party!

Martian: stop laughing.

Martian: okay, cadets, we must turn on TV.

Did you see that!

New show!

Martian: focus on the old big fat shark.

Martian: sharks channel sucks.

Martian: you are not the boss.

Martian (singing): when the times gets rough, we are the one in the lead.

Martian: from TV?

Martian: new game "Among us".

Martian: what's that about?

Martian: common Barbie!

Are you kidding me?

Martian: you see, how slow they are.

Martian: who, the people?

Martian: what to do when no one is around?

Martian: I can't complain.

At least we can see different cities, roads, bushes.

And people can only see this desert.

Martian: what an irony.

Martian: we really should give more things, water, plant trees.

Martian: give and you will be given.

I miss those times.

Martian: oh Moses, beauty comes with the name.

Martian: something more accustomed to our life style please.

After your trip few years ago we keep getting telescopes.

Martian: always at the same place.

What did people see that time? Light?

Martian: don't remember. 

Martian: people do, they remember everything. 

Martian: may be this robot is faster.

Martian: if you are pushing it.

Martian: we did survey about trees and birds, before the covid.

It will disturb peace on Earth.



Martian: our newspaper has the same name.

"Mars.2021."

Martian: sometimes we forget who we are.

Martian: so he was fired without pay.

Martian: what possibly you have to do to be fired from this place.

Martian: the girl.

Martian: the girl?

More like middle age Martian.

Martian: may be ge saw it different.

What he is going to tell to his wife?

Martian: he said, he wants to open his own business. 

Martian radio: lunch order, eat your vegetables. 

Martian: sugar is good.

Martian: only the real sugar is good.

Martian: are you home?

You got your address changed?

Martian: I think we all should look for another address. 

Martian: don't worry,  they only sent a robot to take few pictures.

Martian: they seems to be sending something all the time.

Martian: we need TV here, see what people up to.


Martin King: what are we doing .. ?

Where are we going ...?

Turn on TV.

TV: there's no live on Mars, its been officially proven by our scientists.

Martian King: good news in the first 5 minutes!

Is there's something wrong with me.. I've been looking in the mirror longer then usual.. this morning..

Mommy!

Mommy Martian: it happens.

Martian King: anyway, we have to celebrate this day.

Declare Tuesday, no Friday, Tuesday, all right, Thursday and Wednesday, national holiday.

Mommy Martian: and Monday.

Martian King: and Monday.

We will know for a fact what day it is.

 

Martian: this robot is bigger than our theater.

Martian: it has built in radio.

Martian: its going to be good.

Martian King: shhhhh.....

Martians (singing on the stage): Alleluia, Alleluia,  Alleluia.

Martian Queen: I am feel like I am on the top of alien world.

 

Martian: what is this?

Martian: the robot.

Stupid thing is stuck.

Martian: I have only one question:

Who cares?

Martian: you don't have to be skeptical, at least it landed.

Martian King: take them few pictures first.

 

Martian: "Mars 2021".

Martian: who gave this name?

Martian: imagine, you are applying for a job..

How embarrassing it would be.

Martian: if I was a sign, I wouldn't know what to do.

Martian: their stuff never rhymes.

Martian: it would suck to send empty spaceship to another planets.

Martian: how ugly they look.

Martian: you turn.

Add different colors.

Martian: we should break it.

Martian: good luck with the King.

Martian: put back the knob and start painting it.

What's the logo?

Martian: we have few different kinds.

"big strawberry 2021" or "uneatable object", "was I surprised", "I've seen this", "I don't trust that", "every day object", "who is going to believe it".

Martian: may be people picked the right one?

Martian: it's still cool that they make this stuff.

Martian: now the sign looks weird.

 

Martian (child): sometimes I wonder, how people of Earth live.

Martian (mother): is this part of your homework?

Martian (father): what kind of people?

Do you want to know about rich people or you want to know about poor people,

Completely different story.

Martian (mother): school supposed to send messages to the parents.

Won’t find it in here.

Martian (father): no point to change schools now, its almost summer.

Martian (child): what do they do all day?

Martian (father): go to communistic country, you will find our quickly.

Martian (mother): what’s wrong with communistic?

Martian (father): she is hidden communist.

They use to much plastic.

Martian (mother): is it so!

Martian (child): our school say no to fighting parents.

Martian (father): may be communists didn't realize it.

Martian (mother): Martian King said, he will bring communism here if he will remember.

Martian (father): it takes long time for him to remember things.

Martian (mother): are you jealous?

Martian (father): write it down, in your home work folder,

Perfect world is only on Pluto, far away from every one else.

Salt and pepper for dinner?!

The Martian King: close the door before those Lunatics spot us.

Keep dropping robots on the same spot.

The Martian Queen: you are too critical.

The Martian chef: can't we all go and live like normal people?

The Martian King: and see everything again?

I hide here.

The Martian chef: we were cooking a fresh meal!

The Birthday cake!

The Martian King: seems like we didn't know it.

We used all the water!

The Martian (male): we had to use our technologies.

The Martian (female): which one.

The Martian (male): you like this word.

The Martian (female): we can hide together.

The Martian (male): I've been waiting for this word.

The Martian King: where are my pretty boys!

The Martian (female): wear mask.

The Martian (male): under the space suit?

You are going to be kidding me?

The Martian (female): I still remember his "part 2. adventure."

The Martian (male): I was in school back then.

The Martian (female): did the teacher ask you to bring salt?

The Martian (male): we had to eat it every morning!

The Martian (female): and we used to put protective spells on it.

The Martian (male): we knew each other back then!

The Martian King: good morning.



Martian (guest): whale is in the air!

Martian (male): nah.

Martian (guest): ghost!?

Martian (female): we don't have ghosts, only humans spying on us.

Martian (guest): how it works?

Martin (female): look outside.

Martian (male): I am not sure why we built the house here.

Martian (female): stupid idea.

Martian (male): we can't even move now.

Martian (female): before we find a human.

Martian (male): the King said we can't move until we have an astronaut with the ship.

Martian (guest): is it dangerous?

Martin (female): once a year they drop robot or camera on us.

Martian (male): robot is little bit lighter.

Martin (female): and he rolls.

Martian (male): we heard people like it.

Martian (female): we stole a few.

Martian (male): we didn't see nothing.

Martian (female): when we find someone we can build our house for free.

Martian (male): after you eat your vegetables,  we can take pictures.

Martian (female): we have big mountain here.






 

Эта ночь не украдена,

Посмотри мне в глаза.

Сколько было оставлено в тех далеких краях.

Их судьба недопетая, ненапрасны пути,

За рассветами светлыми детям нашим идти.

Слушать песни веселые,

Мудрость в книгах узнать,

И далекую родину так как мы вспоминать.

Где отцы наши правили, где в походах прошли.

Наши славные женщины, их слова долгожданные и улыбки желанные, это солнца лучи.

За стоявших на площади,

Снова вижу я ночи те.

Мою маму нестрогую, ее кофточку новую.

Эта ночь не украдена.

This night is not stolen,
Look into my eyes.
How many we left in those distant lands.
Their fate is a song that was not finished, their roads are not forgotten. 
Our children will walk to the bright morning sunshine, 
Listen to the funny songs,
Learn wisdom in books,
And know distant homeland as we remember.
Where our fathers ruled, where they went on campaigns.
Our glorious women, their long-awaited words and welcome smiles, these are the rays of the sun.
For those who stood on the square.
Again I see those nights.
My mom was not strict,
She was wearing her new blouse.
This night is not stolen.



Закаты сменяли рассветы.

Солдаты наши шли к тебе,

Хотела песней быть не спетой.

А я мечтала о родной земле,

Я видела огни пожаров, 

наш поезд улетавший в даль,

и руки теплые шептали: "Прости, нам ничего не жаль".

Мы поднимали наши пашни, плуга тащили за собой,

приснится день вчерашний как сыновья уходят в бой.

Прощались мы в прихожей светлой:

Своё ты имя не забудь,

Как папа рвал все документы,

Мы собирались в трудный путь.

Eду в мою столкали сумку,

Не слова лишнего, молчи,

А по путям за тем составом другие эшелоны шли.

А еcть ли вера, есть ли сила, а есть ли правда на земле!

Болтаешь что, солдат усталый, мне хлопнул громко по щеке.

И снова мы в плугага впрягались, девченок молодых жалев.

Пусть наша армия расскажет, какая правда на войне.

Шум сирен, бросает кто-то корку хлеба и голос где-то шепчет тихо:

Не бойся, ешь.

Весна пришла, вот заголовки из газет "ищу солдата, ищу солдата",

а в клубе танцы, сколько тут невест.

Sunsets followed sunrises.

Our soldiers went for you,

I wanted to be a unknown song.

And I dreamed of my native land,

I saw lights of the fires, our train flew away into the distance, and warm hands only were whispering: "Forgive, we are not sorry for anything."

We raised our farm lands, dragged the plow behind us, yesterday's dream will be again, how our sons are going into the battle.

We said goodbye in the bright hallway:

Only don't forget your name.

How the father tore all the documents,

We were going on a hard journey.

All the food was my bag,

Don’t talk, be silent,

And other trains followed our train.

Where is faith, power, truth on earth!

Quiet - tired soldier, slapped me loudly on the cheek.

And again we were pushing farm plow, feeling sorry for the young girls.

Let our army tell you what truth is on the war.

The sound of sirens, someone throws a crust of bread and a voice somewhere whispers softly:

Don't be afraid, eat.

Spring has come, here are the headlines from the newspapers "looking for a soldier, looking for a soldier", and there are dances in the club, how many brides are there.



..где слова далекие

и дороги длинные,

где поля зеленые,

песни соловьиные ...

Средняя школа, младшие классы,

Детства далекого голос прекрасный.

Доедаю еду стола царского, наливаю немного вина и пластинка играет усталая,

Я совсем не помню ее, странную женщину по имени Сарочка.

Разговор как всегда с Египта начав,

тысячи лет всегда были вчера.

Ну разве пришла бы я, разве пришла, но вместе когда-то нам звезды светили.

Потом эти звезды на платья надев, мы дни по рассветам измерили,я помню запела о доброй стране, которой ни разу не видела.

Я думаю вот сейчас, внуки и правнуки где-то, для этих людей, прошедших войну,

мы были последняя битва.

Мы были любимы , балованы все,

Одеты красиво и модно,

Росли мы свободно в великой стране,

И что говорить, на девушек тех мы были совсем не похожие.

Сидели вдвоем на старой скамейке, последняя наша встреча.

Дороги родные если надо найдут, а ты если надо ответишь.

Ну что, не скучай, вспоминай иногда.

Ребёнка зови нашим именем.

Простые слова, нам и много говорить было не о чем.

Потом вздох как упрёк для кого-то еще, и слова для кого-то чужие.

Помни всегда что вместе когда-то нам звезды светили.

Ну что же тебе подарить, чтоб знала, думали мы и любили,

А хочешь, тебе страну подарю, которой ты раньше не видела.

. .. where the words are distant

and the roads are long,

where the fields are green,

nightingale songs ...

Secondary school, junior grades,

A beautiful voice of a distant childhood.

I finish the food of the our so called "royal table", pour a little wine and the record is tired of playing music,

I don't remember her at all, a strange woman named Sarochka.

As always, starting the conversation from Egypt,
thousands of years always were yesterday.

Well, I would not have come here at all, but once the stars were shining for both of us.

Then, we put these stars on dresses, and counted days as sunrises, 
I remember, I started to sing about a kind country that I had never seen.

Myself, now I think right, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, for these people who went through the war,

we were their last battle.

We were simple, spoiled,

Dressed nicely,

We grew up freely in the great country.

And what can I say, we were completely different from those girls.

We sat together on an old bench, it was our last meeting.
Our roads will find you if necessary, and you will answer if you want.

Well, don't be bored, remember us sometimes.
Give your child our name.

Simple words, we didn't have much to talk about.
Well, what can I give, for you to know, we thought about you and love,

If you want, I will give you country that you have not seen before.



Мне не надо жалости,

Мне не надо слёз,

Как судьба по площади едет паровоз.

Лишь глаза закрою, вижу мамин взгляд:

Обещай мне только , ты придёшь домой.

Я кричу ей "мамочка",

Но она не слушает, сумашедший взгляд:

Всем клянись на свете, ты придёшь домой.

Право, лево, шнэль,

В сторона толкают как мешки людей.

Maма, мамочка,

Навсегда запомнила тёплый нежный взгляд: 

За плечами в сумке молоко и хлеб, обещай мне только, ты придёшь сюда.

Цвет весны, свет, песни,

Мы пришли домой,

Сыновья и дочери народа Твоего.

I don't need words of sorry,
I don't need tears.
Like destiny, steamy train rides across the square.
As soon as I close my eyes, I see my mother:
Only promise me you'll come back home!
I ask her "mommy, mommy?”
But she doesn't listen me any more, she lost her mind.
Her eyes are crazy, she grabs my hand and whispers:
Swear on everything in the world, you will come back home!
Right, left, shnel, -the solders.
They push the people to different lines.
Mommy, mommy!
I forever remember her look, the old gentle look, 
For a second she was the same mama I always knew.
She hugged me, smiled and said:
You have bread and milk in your bag,
Only promise me, you will come back home...
Spring colors, lights, songs,
We have come back home,
Your sons and daughters. 

Вечер весенний, праздник семейный,

 

Торт на столе, фотографии в круг.

 

Две старые женщины, дружно по кругу поют о войне.

 

Я одета красиво, новое платье, вечер весенний духами пропах,

 

Думали мы, будет много объятий, будет играть много ребят.

Но только две старые женщины поют о войне.

 

Комната чистая, торт на столе, фотографии в круг, две старые женщины поют и поют.

 

Поезд военный медленно едет,

 

В тёплых вагонах звенит чистота.

Где медали, где ордена?

 

Что ж вы девчата, куклы в шинелях,

 

Ваши медали на ваших руках.

The Martian story

Martian: good morning!
Martian: good morning young lady!
Martian: remember eat over the ball,
Its what's there for.
Martian: tequila weekend is coming. 
Martian: its better then tylenol.
Martian: are you going to put the camera back?
Martian: I've been doing it before you were born.
Sweet 160, sweet 160.
Martian: are you wearing your glasses?
Martian: you argue too much.
Martian King: they are mixed.
Someone had a lot of free time at work!
Martian: it was birthday at work!
Martian King: go follow people.
Whiskey... yam, yam.
In stead of "work to do" they picked "stress to do".
Venetian: ops.
I've never liked humans. 
Martian King: oh Lord.
Our hands are full.
Venetian: it's kind of funny.
Martian King: wait when it happens to your planet. 
Venetian: we don't have this kind of technology. 
Martian King: we have 9 astronauts expecting. 
I am one of them.
What time, I don't know. 
No one wanted to open the door. 
(singing) had a farm, 
Ee i  ee i o, ee i ee o.



Pharaoh

Stranger: how far are you going?
New King number one: yes.
Stranger: you are going the right way!
New King number one: this trip costs us a lot of money. 
Never mind.
Servant 1: where is the timer?
Servant 2: especially when we have the time on.
Servant 1: we will get paid by the mile.
Pharaoh: for what?
Servant 1: when we are working. 
Pharaoh: why the pyramid looks squared?
Servant 1: its shy.
Pharaoh: its supposed to look like triangle.
Servant 2: we don't know what it is.


Fools gold

Troll: I got letter from your zoo,
No one cares.
Fool: oh yeah. 
Mama Mia: we know.
King of Fools: what difference does it make?
It's not a big joy, its sealed rules.
Mama Mia: mister Troll, you have to get married to feel lucky.
King of Fools: you should know it already.
Fool: you should outsmart the sharks.
King of Fools: do it on Monday. 
Miss witch: mister Troll, this is for you.
Troll: what is this?
"Witch"?
Miss witch: we saved one blank for you.
King of Fools: good. 
Time to wake up.
Troll: perfect,  now I need some medication. 
Miss witch: we have "love potion".
King of Fools: we all need it.
We work in hot spot.
Miss witch: our business on the side.
(singing) you show me, I show you.
King of Fools: mister Troll, now you can go safely for lunch.
Mama Mia: phone call!
King of Fools (on the phone): essential services!
He called you old woman!
Chika Bonita!
Olympia!
He meant "cold woman".
I've been called little boy myself.
We can't change the world. 
It's a compliment. 


Pharaoh

Pharaoh: my servants do something, it takes 5 minutes.
His servants do something, it takes 5 hours. 
Servant 1: we had no idea.
Servant 2: I like our Pharaoh. 
Pharaoh: woman has to clean house. 
This what I am looking for.
Servant 1: New Queen number one says it's a lot.
Servant 2: you cannot trust women if they ate not 35 years old.
I prove it all the time. 
Now I am looking at 50.
Piggy: they sent the check to the wrong address!?
Pharaoh: I will be sleeping the whole day. 
Continue with your work.
Servant 1: okay.
Servant 2: will keep working. 
Pharaoh: work to the moon.
Early moon.
Servant 2: what should we write on the invoices?
Servant 1: exactly what Pharaoh said: fir work to the moon and early moon.
Servant 2: Pharaoh, put sunglasses on, it's too bright here.
The brooms are overthere.
All you have to say "uno momento".
New King number one: where is Pharaoh?
Servant 1: he needed a break. 
New King number one: Pharaoh is not here today!?