a few stories 3


My aunts, other ladies, are funny, kind and religious,
 They are kind of ...crazy too,
In good way.
If you put word "good" with anything its
Good anyway.
I heard this too, but I take its like a compliment.
Someone laughing insane, saying: you are crazy
And running to the bathroom (didn't make it a few times).
Its a compliment, right?
So the base, what we are building our life on,
This is God.
The stronger, bigger power that we are following,
Protects us and gives the road to go.
God is the first one in our life.
Our believe - everything will be great,
Peace in our mind, courage to go for more.
After God and our Guardian Angel, then we are.
Everything on Earth starts with us.
This why I am saying,
You are the first one you have to take care about.
Love yourself more, take care of yourself,
Otherwise nothing else would be matter.
Then people you love,
Your children and your love one.
Still, they all depend on you.
Then happier you are,
Then happier they are...


24. My father's second wife is a nice woman,
 Only was obsessed with idea (for a while)
 For stealing the married man,
 For breaking shit that wasn't even there,
 Breaking terrible marriage.
 Daddy was teaching in medical college,
 Could miss a pretty woman, his student,
 My grandmother pushed to study to improve her life.
 May be it was a way to say thank you
 And liberate my mom.
 The new wife was of afraid to say that
 To the old one,
 Would tell everything to me,
 Like I was married to my father.
 We were going for extreme,
 Waiting for me near the school,
 Calling to their new house:
 I am sorry, I am guilty, I stole your father,
 Forgive me.
 I didn't care at all.
 Finally, my stepbrothers grew up a bit and stepped in.
 After she caught one with a girl in the bed at fourteen,
 She finally left me alone.
 Asking me, why he was in the bed?
 Probably doing home work.
 At parents bed after seven,
 When they were about to be home.
 What was the excuse?
 Good boy, didn't want to miss school.
 After this little event
 I was seeing the new papa's wife only
 With a broom, belt,
 Or with ice on her head.
 Where is he?
 Did he go to school,
 Talking about my older stepbrother.
 Tell me everything,
 What am I going to do?

25. My stepbrothers used to be
 One of the biggest troublemakers.
 Everything you can imagine,
 Or afraid to imagine,
 They did, and not even once,
 Not even twice, not even many times.
 Their mother, was almost like a witch on the broom,
 With a broom and a belt,
 Only without a three letters weapon in her hand
(Who had it was afraid to sell).
 Flying around trying to find out where a hell they both are.
 My father helped to rescue them with few police friends
 From bars and girls, all weird places,
 He strongly believed army or prison will do the trick anyway.
 We were friends, and my stepbrothers didn't hide any secrets.
 Some times I was laughing so hard,
 I couldn't believe boys can be so stupid.
 They both still are very good looking, have charm
 And from fourteen only stayed around girls.
 One morning in school,
 I looked, and my oldest stepbrother had black both eyes.
 He said he slept on the corner, but don't remember where.
 His mother was near the school at four for two months may be...
 I think she stopped the visits not to completely screw them up.
 What else they did before turning eighteen?
 Jumping from two story building, traveling across the country without ID,
 All other stuff strongly prohibited by law before 18,
 They did.
 Different girls non stop.
 Mama had to buy a giant dog, put second door, keep grandma around,
 So no friends would enter the home.
 Finally, the wish came true, the army miracle,
 Just on time to keep the mother in her mind.
 Two years, all legal,  go bed at 9, up at 7.
 And you know where they boys are,
 Cleaning the bathrooms, bonding with mops and brooms.
 My younger stepbrother ran from the army twice,
 He refused to clean the kitchens - bathrooms for the first time in his life.
 No mother, no girlfriend, was the officer insane.
 After sitting for a day in the dark room,
 Running was only the way.
 After the second round, well, the army was now 100% winning.
 Two brooms, two mops, and promise, one more time and he will be licking all the sinks without any cleaning equipment.
 The older one went to the war, after for almost one year didn't get out of home.
 With parents around: are you hungry honey,
 He gained 100 pounds,
 I broke the TV...
 It was time to run, not just leave.
 The first wife was a doctor,
 After "mama, don't worry" was "let's go home".
 At 9, every evening, he was home, probably first time in his life.
 The second wife cut all "troublemakers cord".
 Another stepbrother got a girlfriend.
 And they both changed.
 Have chosen health, family, good life over going crazy.
 It was may be a hard decision to make,
 They had to stop, the road to nowhere was blocked
 By parents, wives, children, grandparents, the big dog.
 No one could do it, only them,
 To make every one happy.
 Its a huge deal.
 Now, they both married, healthy, very happy men,
 Businessmen with a child in each hand,
 When there really is no problem,
 Bright open road...

26. I am running in the park,
 Together with a fat neighbor and her tiny dog.
 It's very sunny outside and three of us are running with closed eyes.
 Then "bam" right in front a bicyclist on the grass.
 He is asking if we are okay, not blind by a chance,
 We are advising not to ride anything without a bell…

27. I used to be a social lawyer for women in need,
 Long time ago, not for long time,
 But I remember all the crap.
 Sorry, have to use "f" word,
 Otherwise the story won't go.
 First, in the office, they give you a stupid book to read,
Mentioning: this is our butter and what we put on it (caviar I guess)
 Dreaming only no one would do shit
 After entering the door.
 I gave this book my stepbrother have a look one time,
 He said:
 Someone going to be fucked up for the rest of the life.
 The book of shit, inspiring only for one thing:
 How to give up or believe in nonsense or suck it up.
 I had my own theory,
 I wanted to help those women:
 Here, stupid, write about your life.
 They are like, we are not stupid.
 Me: if I was sitting in front of me, I would be stupid too.
 Write about your life, put tomorrow in it.
They are thinking about old shit probably,
I am thinking how to cheat on criminology test tomorrow,
Making notes all over the place…
All on the same page.
 After hours of writing, I was like:
 What are fuck is this?
 Fifty pages about your past and half of a page about future.
Why are you remembering every detail?
 Let's rewrite now, forget about going home.
 Why everyone is thinking about home?
 Is that what you want to get out?
 Okay now, girls,
 Write 50 pages about your future and half a page about your past, only with good important stuff.
 No complaints about men, I am not married yet.
 After a while boss was calling my aunt.
 My aunt running to me:
 What are you doing Irina,
 This is very good job, I put my word that you are very good girl.
 Now those women just happily leaving without completing one year of forced help...
 They did in a day?

28. My mom was one of the most annoying doctors ever.
 She would never leave her patient alone,
 Until he was pretty much feeling like a newborn.
 Weekends, nights, we were calling to ask
 If everything was all right and two hundred pages list was followed.
 Good thing about it,
 When the people heard phone calls,
 They thought immediately about God:
 Oh God, that must be her...
 Please, help us recover fast.

29. Some one asked me:
 If every time you talk about love
 With your boyfriend,
 He goes to the fridge to eat,
 What does he mean?
 I said: hide in it...
 At least the guy didn't have a heart attack.
 The doctor said:
 He will be fine.. after a while.

30. Back to family business,
 I don't know where to start...
 Now my aunt is watching her weight.
 I think she is thinking about the time when she was 7 pounds.
 Hopefully chamomile diet tea with a cake will help.
 Or green tea, but only when we both will clime the mountains to get it.
 Every time we talk,
 She has an idea, for example, eat only one hundred apples a day.
 May be she should stop eating like a homeless person: everything you see.
 That was our topic for this week,
 Started: do you think I am fat.
 Then my mom says she can recognize her farm and village neighbors
 Only if she is looking at their buts...
 My grandmother is writing her memories
 And I think she is putting my word in it.

31. I guess for this week
  I can use one of logoes
 I made for my aunt:
 "Just trying to be me a crazy woman".
 Today we won a competition with crazy people.
 In the morning I forgot a phone in my son' school bag,
 Every 5 minutes I got a phone call:
 I want to go home.
 It topped the rest 4 days.
 The first news was from my uncle.
 He is pregnant according to his medical paper.
 My uncle is a bit obsessed with his perfect health.
 And every year he does special medical tests.
 This year:
 Pregnant, does it.
 No one even listening, that he is kind of a man.
 Then my sister went on a new vacation,
 After family vacation she said she needed another one to prevent grey hair.
 This was a unique one.
 She pumped air in the mattress,
 Made it like a bed and went for swim with her husband in the near by river.

32.  Since after 60 you can do any thing you want or you can,
 For example visit friends and family every day,
 This is a story told by a few old ladies, our family members.
 Would it be better to retire after high school, get pension for may be twenty years and then go to work?
 Probably yes...
 Okay, this is  the old ladies story.
 Long time ago, in 19 century was living a married woman, my great great great...    grandma.
 One day she went with her daughter and husband on the market to buy a cow.
 They had money, but didn't pick the cow.
 Way back home was dark, moonless night,
 Old village, no light.
 Almost near the house, a strange man jumped from the dark and fell on his knees, started to kiss the ground and the woman's dress:
 Sorry, sorry, sorry, please forgive,
 Here my money, take everything.
 Talking nonstop.
 What is wrong?
 In the house after tea, vodka, the stranger tells the story,
 He was watching, wanted to steal, hiding in the darkest trees, almost ready.
 No, get out, - a woman told him.
 Angry eyes, cannot forget.
 God's mother was standing behind...