Few people I love and who love me,
Apology for my English and
Thanking Canada for giving me new home, new opportunities and the biggest gift - my child.
I want to tell you one story..
It was time I thought I cannot do it anymore.
Family in another country,
Across the ocean, like in another universe.
All I thought at that time was the money, baby food, getting on time in the daycare and work.
I didn't not know, who you call friends would complain that you are few minutes late sometimes in the morning and then ask how is the baby.
Nothing was working out.
That night I was arguing with my son's father in the car about the money.
I was looking at the dark endless road, no cars, no trees.
We were driving, I had tears in my eyes,
Thinking about what life is about,
Like this dark endless road all I thought I could ever see.
I turned music on.
A man started to sing bravely about winning Second World War.
And bright light went in my face for a second and I heard voice:
Don't leave your child without mother.
Next day I sold four gold rings I had,
For eighty seven dollars.
And me and my son we stopped in the book store.
First book I noticed was a book about Second World War and I opened it automatically on a page about Russian women who were living at that time.
Women looked at me from old pictures,
Holding small children on destroyed city
One was going trough snow,
White uniform, matching endless white land
Only her face you can see,
She was ... Hero of our country.
Snowflakes on the eyelashes,
Wisdom, hope and strength in eyes.
I thought, she wouldn't cry,
Wouldn't hide or run to her father.
She faced what she had to faced...
And I felt they are in some way with me.
I thought of my grandmother, great grandmother,
Who were living at that time,
I thought about who I was..
My first poems I was writing for strange street boys and my aunt,
Poems about love, friendship, beautiful life we,
Children of 90's era did not have.
I went to publishing agency.
Office, one big room with boxes and papers everywhere.
Three well dressed men sitting at the long desk,
Staring at me, may be because I was dressed in mini skirt and was wearing high hills.
Each of them had a copy of all my poems.
They looked at me, the one in the middle:
Okay, read.
And I am reading about love..
They are following me,
Then the middle one starting to laugh.
What is this,
Movie, couch, dinner,
Chicken soup, I have doubts if it even cooked.
What is it, cook book?
Love story here, shy kiss,
Who's husband he is? Her? A baby..
No, no, this is crazy,
Do you think someone going to read it?
I mean nice words, but no drama, no sex,
Go, rewrite everything.
I am leaving the building.
In few steps some one is calling my name.
The youngest publisher.
I thought for a second he wants to marry me..
Listen, he says, can I borrow your poems...
He planned to end his life that night.
In five minutes I convinced him how great life is,
He said he would have a look
And I was calling him non stop asking if he is feeling better.
He didn't, I was stressed myself.
My mom looked one time, on Saturday:
Give me his phone,
Don't worry, I will fix his problems in five minutes.
For a week I didn't hear from him.
Then he showed up at my office work:
Listen, do you want to live in Canada?
Before that night I didn't write anything,
That part of my life was gone I thought.
I started to write again, thinking of my old friends,
Grandmother, our old house.
Three poems in English and then I met him.I can say now,
Everything good I have written,
I wrote for him.
He inspired me and made strong.
It was first music video my mother got from a friend.
Girls band singing, dancing.
I didn't understand a word,
I thought may be they were singing:
Life is what you dream,
Not what you see.
Lines in unemployment office,
No more Soviet Union,
We had no idea what to do.
Parents busy, no where to go after school.
We are somewhere in old empty building,
School bags on the floor.
Cheap vodka, cigarettes, sprays.
Fifteen years old asking me to drink
And see real things.
I tried only one time,
Because that everything
The girls band were singing on our dirty street
They were singing only for me:
Life is what you dream,
Not what you see.
Life is what you dream…
A nurse and soldier,
Destroyed burning,
1945, winter Second World War.
Can we make it? - she asks.
He smiles like nothing is wrong:
If I was with someone else, I don't know,
When I am with you, I know, I can,
And so can you.
Don't go close to the window,
Why are you here, young girl like you?
Men, - she says.
Just one, the one you love.
No, men..
You went under fire because of men?!
I told I was going for my country.
You have medals, men must love you.
They do.
What are you going to do after the war?
Be a doctor?
I want to be a teacher, it's good to teach children, right?
She smiles back, waiting for his approval.
Are you going back home?
I don't have home, my city was bombed in 1941.
Do you want to go with me,
To my small village, we have beautiful places, river, forest.
See this old necklace, it's for good luck.
I go with you, - the soldier says quietly,
Now, you have to get out,
They won't let us go together,
Take off your uniform,
I am a soldier and you are only a girl.
What about you?
I cover you, go.
No, I am not leaving you,
We will stay right here until the end of this war.
They got married after the war. .
Destroyed burning,
1945, winter Second World War.
Can we make it? - she asks.
He smiles like nothing is wrong:
If I was with someone else, I don't know,
When I am with you, I know, I can,
And so can you.
Don't go close to the window,
Why are you here, young girl like you?
Men, - she says.
Just one, the one you love.
No, men..
You went under fire because of men?!
I told I was going for my country.
You have medals, men must love you.
They do.
What are you going to do after the war?
Be a doctor?
I want to be a teacher, it's good to teach children, right?
She smiles back, waiting for his approval.
Are you going back home?
I don't have home, my city was bombed in 1941.
Do you want to go with me,
To my small village, we have beautiful places, river, forest.
See this old necklace, it's for good luck.
I go with you, - the soldier says quietly,
Now, you have to get out,
They won't let us go together,
Take off your uniform,
I am a soldier and you are only a girl.
What about you?
I cover you, go.
No, I am not leaving you,
We will stay right here until the end of this war.
They got married after the war. .
After many times, after many days,
After perfect and not so perfect ways.
I believe in love,
I believe myself.
I believe that everyday is a perfect day.
Never give up hope,
Never run away.
Make your everyday be a perfect day.
One thousand dreams,
One thousand thoughts.
One thousand "yes",
One thousand "not".
Summer sunshine today is my friend
Whispering quietly :
Go, go!
Don't be afraid.
Different road, nothing the same.
My thousand lights will brighten your day.
One of the most important things we have
Is our open wings.
How many times we touch the ground,
The wings will bring us up.
Our dreams, love, desire, believe, passion,
People who truly care and never let us go down.
They are our open wings.
Once upon time,
Once upon dream
On the empty road,
Walking trough storm,
Rain, cold wind.
They had no idea what to do next.
Not until heard word "Go".
When you think you have done enough
Ask your life:
Have I done enough?
And life will laugh:
Smile my baby!
See how beautiful I am,
I dressed up for you.
Look at my hair, the sun shining trough,
Touch...
I washed it in warm morning rain.
Look at my eyes, blue.
Do you see the sky?
Look at my lips, let me give you a kiss.
It's strawberry.
You like my dress, green, color of all trees.
Whisper your wish
To the bark of the tree.
The wish will come true just for you.
Do you know how much I love you...
Ask your life:
Have I done enough?
And life will laugh:
Smile my baby!
See how beautiful I am,
I dressed up for you.
Look at my hair, the sun shining trough,
Touch...
I washed it in warm morning rain.
Look at my eyes, blue.
Do you see the sky?
Look at my lips, let me give you a kiss.
It's strawberry.
You like my dress, green, color of all trees.
Whisper your wish
To the bark of the tree.
The wish will come true just for you.
Do you know how much I love you...
When you say you are in love,
Still everything is falling apart,
Something bothers from inside
And you have no idea why.
Because this is not love.
Love is a beautiful feeling.
It's written on your face
And sparkling in your eyes.
This what love is,
The feeling you can see and touch.
Close your eyes,
What do you see?
Smile!
Do you see flower garden,
Apple trees?
Do you feel wind blows on the grass?
Look deeper,
Give me your hand.
Do you see blue sky, sun?
Remember,
Love is a beautiful feeling.
Songs playing on the radio day and night,
Singers, writers getting world awards.
She is here once again in a small cafe right on the beach of Caribbean sea.
Writing for a while, a long while.
Hotel band is playing Reggie,
Boy who cleans the tables are reading my notes.
Only three words on the page:
I love you.
Nice notebook.
Will I win anything?
Oscar, Grammy?
She didn't made these words
She is feeling it.
Close to midnight, small cafe on the beach,
Caribbean Sea, Atlantic Ocean on one side, Pacific Ocean,
Thunder lights, loud music playing.All she sees and hears is him.
No Internet,
Only one question
Stuck on the dark Jamaican mountains,
Tourist bus driving on the age of the hills,
Strange man sold weed instead of cookies,
Bought gifts she doesn't need.
She doesn't really care,
All she thinks and hear is him.
She is going to eat this huge bun with butter, dinner, lunch,
Stay under hot sun..
Her inner voice is happily sleeping:
Leave her alone, he says.
All she does is thinking about him.
I used to be like many women in the world
Just happy with the little I got.
I followed my mothers steps
When being free had no sense.
Waking up in the morning mad,
Thinking what else I forget.
Breakfast, lunch, summer, dinner,
Jealous women,
Driving to work like the best member
Of the best ever racing ream.
But something was shining;
People followed me.
I gave them hope,
At least daily laugh.
Still thinking not being pretty and smart.
I almost gave up,
I almost blend in.
And looked at the eyes,
The eyes of a Queen.
Beautiful woman,
Strong, wisdom and free,
She started at me.
What's wrong with you,
Can't you see?
Okay, one more time.
Open your eyes!
Can't you see?
Can't you see
You are me...
I followed my mothers steps
When being free had no sense.
Waking up in the morning mad,
Thinking what else I forget.
Breakfast, lunch, summer, dinner,
Jealous women,
Driving to work like the best member
Of the best ever racing ream.
But something was shining;
People followed me.
I gave them hope,
At least daily laugh.
Still thinking not being pretty and smart.
I almost gave up,
I almost blend in.
And looked at the eyes,
The eyes of a Queen.
Beautiful woman,
Strong, wisdom and free,
She started at me.
What's wrong with you,
Can't you see?
Okay, one more time.
Open your eyes!
Can't you see?
Can't you see
You are me...
